6 wrzesień 2017
Some time ago i met this man. 19 years older than me. It's not important how i met him, and what happened next. What is important is the bond we created between us. He's creative. We've mutual interests and hobbys. We like to create things. And we like to do it together. So he's older. He lived through a lot, he saw a lot, read, and Im learning a lot from his experiences. I can ask about - literally - everything. Im visiting him often, cause we kinda work together. Now, when im writing this... Im here for two weeks straight. Tomorrow i need to go back to my home to pick up some stuff. I don't wanna leave. Here, at his place, I already have some of my clothes, favourite towel, toothbrush, hoodie, some dirty clothes that he's gonna throw to the washing machine and Im about to take here my favourite blanket with Minions. And by living here for some time now, i had some thoughts, I saw something in this situation.
First of all, my family, my home are people, who live next to each other, but not together. So when i started my collaboriation with Y - i was shocked. Cleaning, making food, coffee etc is going naturally. When we are TOGETHER we just want to do something nice for another person. Without even thinking. Our relationship is warm, and still quite free. Close, but still with healthy distance. It reminds about living with the best unckle in the world. There is so much fun, and you like each other to death.
We call each other different ways. Auntie, unckle, sister... Father, daddy, daughter, kid, mousie, love, honey. Happened on accident. Even if he's still thinking that he's definitely not that caring, I know better and i can say that he's still careful with important people and things. Sometimes we forgot to eat, but he's taking me to restaurant, he makes me choose something, and he pays. From time to time i just don't have appetite. Then he's worried about me; During the night he may be leaving the door unlocked, just in case i would come. So once, cause he was so caring, he made a joke that im that lost and chaotic, like little girl, and he's focused, thoughtful, careful like daddy. I had an accident. I twisted my ankle, when he was with me. He felt obliged to take care of me. Bandages, creams and helpful hand, while walking. Also he knows that im sensitive, and i can become quite depressive sometimes, so he called me everyday to talk with me. The talk was always about half of the hour to even three hours. He had been calling me in the morning, waking me up ith his melodious "good morning".
He's lovely. Very father-ly. A little reluctant to be physically closer, but maybe its better that way. Don't take it in the bad way. Sometimes Im coming and saying that I need love. He's gonna hug. Kiss my forehead, or my head. He's gonna stroke me. He will make me laugh in bad moments. Am I fallin in love? No. He's in gay relationship for 15 years now. So i couldn't have less chances. I like it how it is. And this post is a question. Do every little feels a Daddy in someone like that after some time? Today, while watching some series, I couldn't focus. I needed to be closer. I wanted to cuddle. Not in the romantic way. Just innocently cuddle. I saw his hand resting on the coffee table. I wanted to slip under it and let him play with my hair. Sit on the floor, when he lies on the sofa, and just rest his hand on my shoulder. But i know that's too much. I can't have that much, and i don't want that much from him. Still, I still have such thoughts. Is it always like that when somebody's closer and caring? Im just wondering.
He sewed me colorful tutu skirt. Braided my hair before going to sleep. Hugged for good night.
Thanks God for him. He comforts my inner child. Although he doesn't know about it, or about ddlg. Or about me feeling myself as babygirl. And he doesn't see that he is so fatherly recently. He knows what to order for me to eat. Kid's menu. Nuggets! And he knows that i like that tea with lemon. And cocoa. He knows and remembers about my lactose intolerance. He's there, when i need him.
Thanks God.
I don't wanna go back home. Im fine here.
